Well, I could sit here and verbally cry for you, but the truth of the matter is I am angry. I am angry that I stuck to THE RULES all day and found that eating two meals a day was just too much for my gluttony. It opened the door to some serious, albeit "healthy" bingeing that ended with downing three dulcolax only 10 minutes ago. I obviously cannot be trusted with food.
I am this close to throwing out the lot of edibles this house contains. This stinking close.
I used to do that a lot...throw out can openers, even forks and plates so that eating would simply not be an option. I should have chewed the food I ate and spat it out. I started to do that, and succeeded with one sweet item I fancied, yet my stomach called for an end to the new raucous. That is what I get for bingeing at all last night. I screwed myself up once again and have to start from gastric scratch.
This is no poor me speech. I am bound to recreate every mistake unless I behave says the head.
The soul knows I have eaten in the past month what most people eat in less than a week.
I won't bore the slate with the gory details of my night's diet. Suffice to say that this WILL not be a repeat on 8.3.2009 . Not if I can help it.
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i'm impressed by your determination!
ReplyDeletei also like how you say you "have" this disorder. into which i read, if i may, that you ARE not it. you own it, not the other way round ... ?
For now I seem to have it. My history tells me it will eventually have me if I am not careful. I'm rather apathetic at the moment about the big flashing red sign that is DANGER. I know what makes me tick, and that is the problem typically!
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